Connections
by LuticolousMantis
Summary: Oneshots about random characters and the connections they share with some other random character. Can be anyone from Phineas to the Giant Floating Baby-Head. Why isn't there a possibility to select 'absolutely everyone' as the character?
1. in which I'll explain how this will work

Okay, so I was thinking to myself,

"Mantis, Phineas and Ferb is such a great show. Sure, I really like Dr. Doofenshmirtz and identify with him to the extent that's kinda sad and I like his relationship with Perry, but a big part of why this series is so awesome is that it's just full of great characters, and even very minor ones have personality and feel like they have their own lives."

"I know!", I exclaimed. (Because I'm a sad, lonely person who talks to himself.)

"I'll write down all the names of major and minor characters, they might only have one appearance, but if I like them enough, I'll put them on the list. Then I will, with a random number generator, pick two characters at random and write a short oneshot about them and some kind of connection they share. It might be a canon relationship, a secret crush, a random encounter, maybe just the two meeting or maybe other characters will talk about them and see their connection. It might be hate, love, a familial bond, a vague acquaintance, a working relationship, or maybe they have never even met or know the other exists."

So that's what I did.

And then I decided to upload it into the Internet while monologueing about this to my dog (who, to my dismay, will not wear the cute little fedora, she just shakes it off and looks at me like I'm a crazy person).

There will be characters from Perry and Phineas to Giant Floating Baby Head or Albert, the genres will be anything I feel like writing, although knowing me they will probably usually have humor in them.

Also, I don't take requests, but feel free to suggest characters, if they aren't on the list, I'll add them, but obviously all the main characters are already on it. (it's currently 67 characters long)

* * *

First up: Jenny Brown and Pinky the Chihuahua.


	2. Jenny Brown and Pinky the Chihuahua

"Here, doggy!"

Agent Pinky hesitated. On one hand, she was offering him a sandwich. On the second hand, he was in the middle of a mission and should have been well on his way to stopping his nemesis. But, again, a _sandwich._

Cautiously, he sniffed the offered piece of bread. It didn't have cheese in it, but still, it was tasty.

And not only was she offering her half-eaten lunch to him, she was also scratching him behind the ears.

This girl was nice.

"My name is Jenny, nice to meet you, " she looked at the tag on his collar, "Pinky".

He decided to call her Two-legged-girl-who-smells-of-flower. He wagged his tail to signal he was happy to meet her. (And would appreciate another sandwich)

But instead of getting more treats he was lifted up.

"What are you doing out here on your own, little Pinky?", she asked.

And before he could react he found himself carried back to his home yard.

Pinky greeted his owner Big Boss with an eager 'woof' and a vigorous tail-wag.

"There you are, Pinky," she said, happy to see him.

"Isabella, right? I think I've seen you around Phineas' and Ferbs place."

He was handed over to Big Boss.

"Yeah, you're one of Candace's friends?"

"Jenny. Your little doggy was wandering on the street, all on his own."

"So that's where he goes when he disappears! Thanks for bringing him back."

* * *

"I am disappointed in you, Agent Pinky."

Pinky had known Boss would be disappointed with him.

He pulled his tail between his legs and averted his gaze to show how sorry he was. He hoped his Boss talking behind the screen would forgive him.

"You failed to stop Professor Poofenplotz from embarrassing her daughter-in-law by using her giant heat-ray to destroy the poor girl's meatloaf."

Boss sighed. "Luckily it turned out Timothy Poofenplotz _really _liked burnt meatloaf… So Poofenplotz's plan to convince her son no woman's cooking could compare to hers failed."

Pinky liked Timmy-man-who-gives-me-snacks. He hoped this didn't mean he'd start to burn the doggy-treats he was in habit of carrying with him in case he ran into the agent while visiting his mother.

Pinky also liked his wife Lady-who-yells-me-a-lot, even though, well, she tended to yell a lot, usually things like 'That dog just beat up your mom!' and 'She is evil, normal people don't have secret agent Chihuahuas stopping their evil schemes!'.

Still, she had once let Pinky out of a cage, and he supposed she was just a bit confused and thought she was supposed to be the nemesis and stop the evil schemes. (Or at least yell about them to her husband in a panicked manner.)

"In any case," Boss continued, "we now have reports Professor Poofenplotz has been spotted on the Danville Dam. Go stop her, from doing whatever it is she's planning."

* * *

Agent Pinky landed his hovercraft near the dam, deciding it was best to continue on foot, as he generally found it easier to identify people when his face was on their shoe-level.

Carefully, he approached a group of people moving near the dam he had spotted from the air, and indeed, he knew one of them. However, it wasn't his nemesis.

It was Two-legged-girl-who-smells-of-flower.

Quickly, Agent Pinky assumed the guise of a pet, that being almost a reflex when seeing any human who only knew him as the mindless animal.

But as the girl appeared to be busy with something, talking to a group of girls and waving a sign of some kind around, Pinky put on his hat and decided to continue as an agent, as he always found sneaking around a bit easier that way.

Unfortunately, he was so focused on that group of people that he walked straight into a trap and found himself wrapped in rope and hung at the human eye-level.

"Ah, Agent Pinky."

Pinky growled in response to his nemesis Lady-with-the icky-sweet-smell-that-makes-my-nose-hurt.

"Do you know how good trouts are at stealing jewelry? I must say I'm not terribly certain. But soon I will find out with my army of jewelry-stealing trouts. Now, of course, I see the biggest issue with this plan; just how am I going to control trouts? With this trout-controlling helmet I found from a garage –sale. Yes, I sort of found a good deal and then had to think of a way to use it in an evil scheme. Also there's the fact that trouts are aquatic, and so can only really steal anything if it's already submerged, but that's why we are on the dam, I'd think that was obvious. Anyway, I'm off to some higher ground, wouldn't want to get wet when this dam is disintegrated. Toodles!"

And with that she was off, leaving her nemesis tied.

Pinky tried to wiggle free, but all that achieved was turning him upside-down. Lady-with-the icky-sweet-smell-that-makes-my-nose-hurt had gotten better with knots. Maybe if he tried twisting…

"Little Pinky?"

With shock, he turned to see Two-legged-girl-who-smells-of-flower, staring at him.

Desperately, Pinky tried to shake the fedora off, or at least look as mindless as he could. To his surprise, the girl pulled the fedora off him.

"Poor doggy, I hate it when people dress up their pets."

Pinky stared at her.

"And yeah, tying them upside down is bad too. Let me get you free…"

She started working on the knots.

"I can't believe Isabella would do something like this, you must be on one of your mysterious adventures, she did say you disappear often. She must be told what kind of danger you can get into!"

Pinky whined. He didn't want that! Big Boss would get worried and keep him in a leash and that would make doing his job much more difficult.

The human continued in a conversational tone, pointing at the sign she had been carrying. "This? We are protesting against this dam and how it messes with the natural migration of trout and other fish. We think they should like build a ladder for the fish to use or something. By the way, I know it sounds a bit weird, but the plural of 'trout' is actually 'trout'."

She had managed to loosen the ropes enough for the dog to slip out, and as soon as he did, he jumped down, and ran after the villain, ignoring the girl shouting after him.

Locating his nemesis was simple. She had such a strong sickly sweet smell that Pinky was certain even humans (who generally were really bad at smelling) could have followed her once they found her trail.

She was on top of the dam, on the little observation deck, with a machine Pinky identified as her disintegrator-ray.

"Pinky the Chihuahua? No, seriously, is that you? Where's your fedora?"

Pinky tried to gesture he was sorry.

"Really, now, that is just unprofessional." She sighed.

"Anyway, you forget, Pinky the Unprofessional Chihuahua, that I have my trout-controlling helmet! Don't look at me like that, I know it clashes with my dress, but I couldn't find it in any other colors than lime green or dark blue. But now you shall see the true power I possess, as the Queen of Trouts!"

Silence.

"Just wait a moment, I think, yes, it seems my trout-army is stuck in the lake behind the dam. I suppose I should have thought of that first. Well, time to get rid of that damn-"

A kick from the agent interfered, causing the ray to almost miss. Almost. It didn't hit its target full-on, but it did break off part of the edge of the dam, causing a small leak.

And they were swiftly buried in trout.

Pinky couldn't see anything else than a lot of fish, but he could hear the muffled screams of the human. "You idiot fishes! Don't attack _me! _Can't you tell the difference between a human and a dog?"

Luckily for both the villain and the agent, trout weren't exactly useful combatants on land. One of them did it's best to bite Pinky, but he got away. However, the fish were still slick, and even though most of them weren't even actively trying to attack him, getting out was a challenge, but he managed to scamper out from the pile of fish.

And then he saw his nemesis, at the same moment she noticed him.

"There he is! Attack him, my scaly fishy minions!"

And suddenly all fish-eyes were on him.

Now focused on their target, the fishes started flopping towards Pinky threateningly, surrounding him.

If he only had his fedora…

He did have something else on him, though. He needed to improvise.

Quickly, Pinky unfastened his collar (earning a "Eww, now you're planning to run around _naked?_" from the villain.). He hadn't ever tried this himself, but if Big Boss could do this with a sash…

Using his collar as a whip he grabbed the helmet from her head.

As she lost her control over the fish, their expression turned vacant. They couldn't survive for much longer on land, the agent had to do something.

Pinky pulled the many-sizes-too-big helmet on his head and focused.

"_JUMP."_

To his relief the fishes obeyed, jumping down the dam to the river, taking the villain with them.

"Curse you Pinky the Chihuaaaa-"

Satisfied, he threw the helmet after them.

"I get it now."

Startled, Pinky turned to find Two-legged-girl-who-smells-of-flower, watching him. This was bad. Humans weren't meant to know about the Agency. He'd failed and been a bad dog.

"I saw you helping those trout past the dam. You slip away to help other animals, don't you? You're like a crusader for animal rights. But an animal."

"Woof!"

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Here, have this."

Pinky took the offered card, gripping it with his teeth. He wasn't totally sure, but he decided to believe his secret was safe, and so decided to act like a pet.

"It's the brochure for 'save the pigeons'-society, you know, just in case you want to attend. You're not alone with your struggle for animal rights, little doggy."

Pinky wagged his tail in response.

She was nice.

* * *

**BTW, fish ladders are totally a thing.**

**Next up: Baljeet and Meap**


	3. Baljeet and Meap

Saying Baljeet was good at math would be incorrect.

He wasn't just 'good' at it, he _understood _it.

It made sense, in a way that other school subjects like history or biology didn't. Of course, he always got A+++ on all of his tests, but for other subjects he had to make an effort to study.

With math, it was all interconnected, not just learning things by heart, it was like taking hold of a thread and letting the mystery unravel.

But he still hadn't realized how special math really was, until his family moved to the United States.

The six-year old Baljeet might have been the smartest kid in his class, but his English was still sort of shaky and when it came to subjects like history, this new school expected him to know things he had never been taught in India. And it was when Baljeet stared at the damning evidence of his inadequacy (just an A!) that he realized how different this new school would be.

But math, that was the same anywhere.

And when he got the tests back with his A+++ he knew he fit in this country.

No matter where, he could always count on math.

Suffering from cold feet in a school play? Doing math helped him relax.

Being hung from the flagpole by his underwear? Calculate the optimal weight-distribution to avoid wedgies.

Waiting for bus? Math.

So it wasn't surprising that now that he found himself locked in an alien cell with Meap that his thoughts turned to math.

Converting decimal numbers into base 8. That was always a hoot.

But before he could start, his thoughts were interrupted.

"Don't worry, Master of the Walking on Water, I'm certain Phineas and Ferb will come for us."

Baljeet wasn't convinced. "Assuming they were not eaten by all those dodo-birds. And I keep telling you, water-skiing is not technically walking on water. And I cannot see how that would even help in this situation. "

"Well," the alien began, with his posh British accent provided by his handlebar moustache, "it certainly would have helped when all those toothbrushes-"

Baljeet interrupted him. "Yes, yes, we all know how we ended up in this situation, no need to provide an informational flashback that would only be useful to an audience only now joining us."

Baljeet supposed he should make small talk.

"So, what is your favorite trigonometric function? I can not really decide between Sine and Cosine. Tangent always felt a bit weird to me, since it does not involve the hypotenuse, and I just _love _those."

Meap stared at him. "What?"

"Of course, Secant and Cosecant are fun too, but saying you like those would make you a bit of a hipster."

"I don't know any of these people."

"Oh, you are funny, 'people', hahahaha."

"…"

"Wait, you are serious?"

"I'm afraid so."

"But _everyone _knows basic trigonometry. _Candace _knows what Tangent and Cosine are, and she is horrible at math!" he added, lowering his voice to a hushed whisper. "I hear she once got a C-!"

"Math?"

"Really, this is not fun anymore. You must know what MATH is! Mathematics, algebra, geometry, numerical analysis? "

Meap shook his head. " I cannot say any of those sound familiar in any way."

"Group theory? Calculus?" The Indian boy grabbed the alien and yelled at his moustache ; "TRIGONOMETRY!?"

"Sorry."

"But, but…" Dazed, the boy slumped on the small pile of cotton-candy-like substance that served as the bed in this alien brig. "What if you have a triangle and know any 3 of the sides or angles and want to find the other 3?"

"Ah, I get it now. Our society is completely cuteness-based. And as everyone knows, triangles are not cute. At the most they have the adorability-factor of _meap._"

"Meap?"

"Really now, young man, there's no need for language like that. Like I was saying, triangles have the adorability of _meap. _While something like this," he traced a circle in the air with his hand, "has the rating of at least _meap._"

"Well, many early mathematicians considered the circle to be the perfect shape. Maybe if-"

They were interrupted by the cell door flying open with an impressive crash, a dark towering figure looming in the doorway. There was even some ominous smoke.

It was almost completely ignored by the two prisoners.

The looming figure waved his hand to get their attention. "Ahem?"

Meap turned towards his nemesis. "Yes?"

Mitch was not pleased. "Yes? Could I have some covering in fear here? You _are_ my prisoners."

"Is this supposed to be your gloating monologue? " Meap did not sound impressed. "And you came here to do it, instead of getting your robots or other servants to escort us to the main deck of your space ship? Really, if you aren't willing to put in the work, neither will I."

Mitch shrugged. "The main deck is still being cleaned. There's confetti and spilled punch _everywhere. _I blame you."

Meap had the decency to look embarassed. "Sorry."

Now satisfied he had his nemesis' attention, Mitch cleared his throat. "Like I was saying, soon we will reach the optimal altitude for me to deploy the Dubsteppatron and destroy the-"

"You! Mitch! Do _you _know what math is?"

The villain shot a questioning look at Meap who shrugged. "I don't know. It seems to be important to him."

"I don't really care. Now do you let me explain my evil plan to you or no- Oah! Did you just hit me on my fingers!?"

"Sit down. We will have some math."

"Where did he get a ruler!?"

* * *

And this is how Phineas, Ferb, Isabella and Buford found them hours later. Although where Baljeet had managed to find two school desks and a chalkboard was anyone's guess.

"Um, guys?" Isabella tried getting their attention. "We came to rescue you."

"And before you ask," Buford added, "there is a completely logical reason why I'm dressed as a soccer referee."

"Not really." Isabella said. "You could just take it off, rest of us did once we didn't need the disguises."

"I think it's slimming."

"Fair enough."

"So, uh Baljeet? Are you ready to go?"

The Indian boy completely ignored them. "No, no, no! Meap, if you can not even grasp the basic ideas of group theory, how can you expect to understand the more advanced algebraic concepts?"

"Sorry."

Baljeet turned to the villain sitting behind Meap. "I wouldn't snicker if I were you, Mitch. You did not score even that well on your first test." He waved the paper around. "F-! Your first math-exam, and you FAILED. "

"Sorry to interrupt you guys, " Isabella tried again, "but we really need to go. We aren't sure how much fuel the dirigible we used to fly here has. We really need to be going."

Baljeet ignored his friends, staring at Mitch, "Do you understand the severity of your situation? Decades from now, when your grandchildren will come home and show their schoolwork to you, can you with good conscience look them in the eye and demand them to uphold the principles of hard work if you never did? How can anyone take you seriously after this?"

It was pretty impressive how much smaller Baljeet managed to make the larger alien cover in fear. Phineas supposed it was the power of mathematics. "Baljeet, Isabella is right, we HAVE to go now!"

Finally the Indian boy seemed to notice the other children.

"I am not going."

"What?"

"Nothing personal. But you see, this is my opportunity to bring mathematics to a whole new species! There's a whole planetful of these poor creatures that lack even the most basics in mathematical sciences! Can you imagine living without that? "

"Well, I guess that's important," Phineas said. "But-"

"I have made my decision."

"Hey, Baljeet."

"What, Buford?"

"If you don't return home, your summer-homework won't be returned and you'll fail all your subjects."

The feverish look disappeared at once from Baljeet's eyes. "You are right! And quickly, we must leave! With all these spacebattles and time-travel and other such projects I have neglected my schoolwork and have only finished 135% of the required exercises!" And with that he ran out of the room.

"He'll be okay." Buford assured the others. "He gets a bit weird sometimes when he can't do math for a while or something."

"Okay then." Phineas nodded to Meap. "Really sorry, but we have to go."

Meap saluted. "I have everything under control here. Goodbye, friends."

The children ran after their friend.

"So, everything turned out well." Phineas noted.

"On our end, at least." Ferb corrected his brother. "But I wonder if Candace managed to interrupt the royal wedding."

* * *

**A/N:Really, why would characters who have 8 fingers use decimal system and not base 8?**

**Next up; Isabella and Django**


End file.
